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ATTN: Collins - Measure in love...
the_cameraman:
inspiration_rpg
Days of Inspiration: A Rent RPG
Sun, Mar. 26th, 2006 02:55 pm
ATTN: Collins

Feeling trapped and alone really doesn't do much for Mark's mental stability, or so he's come to realize in the past few months.

Alone on the couch, the silence of the loft surrounding him, Mark did the only thing he could think of at that moment - picked up the phone and dialed Collins.

"Hey," He said, as he heard someone pick up.

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sunnysantafe
Collins
Sun, Mar. 26th, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC)

"Hey...Mark? That you?" Collins held the phone to his face and sat on the edge of his bed, smiling, "Of course it's you, who the hell else calls me? How are ya, man? How've things been?"


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Sun, Mar. 26th, 2006 09:17 pm (UTC)

Dancing a finger through dust that's collected on the countertop, Mark fights back a deep sigh.

"It's so good to hear your voice, Tom," He finally breathed a sigh of relief, and unable to start the conversation about Roger yet, "How's things with you?"


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Sun, Mar. 26th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)

"It's good to hear your's too."

Collins realized that Mark hadn't answered his question, but knew that Mark would answer when he was ready. Obviously things in the loft weren't going well. It's times like these he felt guilty for having left them behind.

"Oh it's all right. Could be better, could be worse. Living here at MIT is a hell of a lot different than living back in NYC. I have to say I miss the city and you guys a lot." He said, throwing his legs on the bed and leaning back against the headboard. "I think I'm making some progress with my students, but no one else seems interested in my 'rebelious' theories. Hell I'm used to it though. It's never a picnic being different."

Collins smiled and twisted the phone chord around his fingers idly, already glad that Mark had called.


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 02:25 am (UTC)

"It'll get better Tom, no one can deny you know what you're talking about," Mark smiled, hopping up on the counter to continue drawing circles on the countertop with his finger, "It's certainly quieter around here without you."


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)

"Thanks, Mark. I know." Collins nodded. "Don't worry I'm not giving up on this group yet. They'll have to deal with me for as long as I can manage it and that'll be quite a while if I have anything to say about it."

He laughed shortly and took in what Mark said next carefully. That one sentence said a lot to Collins.

"Considering how the loft was when I left, I'm not surprised." Collins paused for a moment as he tried to imagine the loft now, Roger recovering from withdrawal and Mark trying to keep everything together, "Too quiet, huh?"


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 02:56 am (UTC)

It was a touchy subject to be speaking about aloud - by Roger's eerie recently-acquired ability to slink about the loft relatively silently, Mark didn't want to risk Roger hearing him speak about him so candidly.

Hopping off of the counter, Mark pulled the phone and it's cord from the wall as far as it would go (about a foot from his door) then pulled the receiver as far as THAT would go (just inside his room, if he closed the door - which he did, of course) to gain some privacy. He knew it would look a bit odd or suspicious if Roger came out and saw the body of the phone outside of his room with the reciever inside of Mark's room, but it'd at least keep him from hearing a conversation he shouldn't be hearing.

"Sorry," Mark said breathlessly as he slid down against the door, "Trying to get some privacy."

He took a deap breath, whispering just-in-case anyway, "Yeah. Collins. I thought the worst was over - and physically it is. He looks good, you know - putting on weight, isn't throwing up or shivering anymore. But his eyes, Tom - that's what scares me. They're dead, man. Totally utterly empty, like stone cold emeralds."


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 03:41 am (UTC)

Collins sat up as he listened to Mark's whispers into the phone. Privacy in the loft at one time was impossible. Although, at one time privacy wasn't needed the roommates shared everything with each other. But then heroin entered the picture and suddenly everyone looked the other way. He still regreted not intervening, not saving Roger before it was too late.

"Mark, I don't know how long it will take Roger to become some sembelance of himself again. I don't know how long it will be until he is able to live again... but he will live again." Collins got off his bed and stood leaning against the wall, "It may take more time or maybe something that neither of us can give him, but it'll happen. I know it will."

"You just keep doing what you're doing. Be there for him. Who knows where he'd be if you had left too. I don't know how you the hell you do it, man." Collins smiled, "But you're so damn giving and even if Roger doesn't acknowledge it, I know he appreciates it."


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)

Mark appreciated Collins' words. He not only appreciated them, he was so thankful it created a deep burning in his chest.

But a good part of him couldn't believe it, couldn't believe he was doing all he could. Mark felt like he was grasping at slipping straws, reaching for Roger's hands as Roger fell deeper into a hole of self-destruction.

A nightmare had been plaguing is already sleepless nights lately - he didn't like to think about it, but it involved him stepping into the bathroom and finding blood and losing the only person that he'd ever truly felt connected to.

He swallowed thickly, pushing his glasses to the top of his head to pinch the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath to quell the heavy feeling of tears rising.

"Yeah." He was losing the battle with the tears, but Mark Cohen? He didn't cry. Never, not ever, "I'm just -"

And his voice cracked, and a soft sob tumbled from his throat.

"I'm just scared, Collins."


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 04:16 am (UTC)

"Mark..." Collins took in a deep breath, and tried in vain to hold on to logical thought.

Mark didn't cry. Shit must be really bad or maybe it was all finally getting too much for the filmmaker to handle. You can only push someone so far before they break.

"Mark..."

He felt useless saying Mark's name over and over like it meant anything. His chest was still constricted tightly from hearing Mark's sob and the crack of his voice.

"Mark...fuck, man. It's okay. It's okay... to be scared. Hell I'm scared for you guys and I'm all the way out in the middle of fuckin nowhere." He shook his head with a shaky laugh, "Hey, you can't keep all this shit inside, okay? Tell me your fears... let it all out, man. I hate that I left you to deal with all this shit on your own. At least, talk to me... let me at least feel like I'm helping somehow, huh?"


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)

...and suddenly, Mark realizes what he's doing. Realizes that the dam has broken and he couldn't cry - not to Collins, who felt guilty enough as it was. Not to Collins, who had enough to worry about.

He quickly took a deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth, pulled the phone away from his mouth, cleared his throat, and went back to Collins.

"It's okay, I'm okay. I will be okay, Roger will be okay," Lies lies lies, "We'll get through this."


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)

Collins sighed, "Mark..."

How many times can you say someone's name before it loses all meaning?

He may not know Mark as well as Roger did, but he knew Mark well enough and he was smart enough to realize this reassurance of how okay things were was entirely fake. Especially, compared to the reality of the near break down only moments earlier.

"You really thought you could fool me?" Collins shook his head, a wry smile across his lips, "Come on, Mark, give me some credit. I know you better than that."

He sat down on the edge of the bed again, "Listen to me, you can't take this all on your own. And I won't let you, you understand. I'm going to worry, it's only natural you two mean a lot to me. Hell, I'm protective what can I say?" Collins continued strongly, "But if you don't tell me what's going on... I'm going to make my own half crazed imaginings about what the hell could possibly be going on and worry in excess and feel more guilty because I'm not doing jack shit to help."

Collins smiled, "So Mark Cohen, you better start being real with me or I'll call you boys an excessive amount and use my skills of annoyance to force some realism from you."


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 04:52 am (UTC)

Mark couldn't help but laugh slightly at that, the chuckle sounding deep and foreign in his throat.

It felt good (maybe not good. Better.) to laugh, but it also made him miss Collins that much more.

"Col," Mark finally breathed, sliding his glasses back onto his face, "I need you to trust me that I simply can't talk about this right now. I'm too wound up, too on edge. Can we talk about something else first, at least?"


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 05:14 am (UTC)

Collins smiled, nodded (even though Mark could'nt see it), "Yeah, I think I can cut you some slack... for a little while anyway."

So what to talk about after that? Luckily emotional situations rarely made Collins awkward, he could switch topics easily.

"Term papers are a bitch to grade." He glanced over at the stack on his desk that he'd just completed, "I'm tellin you, man, Christmas break can't come soon enough. It's gonna be different this year. Just you, me, Roger, and Mo.. hey how are things going with you two?"


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the_cameraman
Mark Cohen
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 05:19 am (UTC)

Mark couldn't help but chuckle bitterly at that. Oh Maureen. Bane of his existence and yet, he couldn't help but love her. She was like a drug, sweet and powerful.

"Oh, you'd never guess this," Mark muttered, twirling the cord around his finger, "Let me start off by saying she broke up with me."

And he'd known this was coming - he wasn't blind. Maureen was clearly gaining wandering eyes.

"But it gets better. Care to guess?"


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sunnysantafe
Collins
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC)

"Shit, man, you serious?" Collins shook his head in disbelief.

Did things have to just get worse and worse for Mark? Collins had suspected that Maureen was cheating from the way Mark described her actions over the phone before, but it seemed like although she was an uncontrolable flirt, she truly loved Mark and needed him. But then again when did Tom Collins ever believe in true love?

Collins paused before answering, "...she was cheating on you?"


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